1. I read somewhere that if we want to progress spiritually we should wake up way before sunrise; since then I have started waking up 23 hours before sunrise.
2. I read somewhere that we have 1,000 thoughts in a blink of an eye; I was like WaheGuru! imagine if I could sell these thoughts?! I could make a fortune. If they go at even a penny a thought, I could easily gas up my car after 2 blinks. Then I started thinking - what if I create a car which runs on thoughts only; then I could blink all the way to Alaska.
3. I have this recurring dream where I am lying horizontally and then I go vertical. Then some liquid falls all over me. It's pretty weird. The people are mostly the same in every dream and I usually do the same stuff over and over again (like eat, go the work etc etc). The dream usually ends in me lying horizontally in the same place where the dream started.
4. The most creative Halloween trick-or-treaters I ever saw were these 2 teenagers - one was dressed up as a witch, the other wore a black dress. I was like "WaheGuru! ur (that's teenager lingo for "you are") a witch, but what are u?” The girl in black said, "A bitch!" I was like "WaheGuru! dat kool!" (that's teenager lingo for "WaheGuru! that's neat").
5. The most creative fund-raiser I ever saw was this teenager girl with her 9-year-old brother. She knocked at my door and said, "I'm going to Brazil for my summer vacation, but I don't have money. If you donate $5 towards my trip, I will let you break an egg on my brother's head." I was like "WaheGuru! dat kool! What is your rate for breaking coconuts?" She was like "$50". I was like "OK". The brother was, like, gone.
6. They say Chuck Norris is the toughest guy around because he can block a toilet with his pee. They obviously haven't met my cousin who can block it with his fart.
7. Once I went without solid food for 91 minutes straight!!! I did have a couple of donuts, but they were the soft kind, not solid.
8. The earliest memory of my childhood is.... is.... darn! I forgot it now! The greatest memory of my life is .. is... darn! darn! OK, who removed "The Greatest Memories" CD from my brain?!
9. People always ask, "Who came before WaheGuru!? (that's Sikh lingo for "God"). I'm like "That's easy, duh! Mama WaheGuru!" (that's Sikh lingo for "Mother of God").
10. If we are all from Mars or Venus, did someone bring a return ticket? Or even a contact number/website address- cuz I kinda want to go back.
11. I'm a seeker of Truth. Or hot muffin with ice-cream will do too.
12. Once I was hitchhiking and had the same jeans on for 2 weeks. One dog liked my jeans so much that he actually tried to mate with it. I was like "This jeans smells so bad, why do you want to mate with it?" But then I thought, maybe it smells like perfume in dog world. I wanted to take off my jeans and give it to the dog, but I hadn't changed my underwear in 2 weeks either, so thought I better not risk it.
13. Most people don't know this about me, but I am a quite a runner. Once I ran away from the Boston marathon. I have run away from a lot of other things too.
14. Once I had this really weird experience. I got into this long metal tube, hung out for a while, came out and I was in a completely different place (and time I think). All the people there had different color of skin (actually it was more like my skin color) and had a different word for everything. I wanted to get back to the tube but this big guy was like "Namaste, No Sir!” But the natives there were pretty nice; they took me home and fed me everyday for like 23 days and then brought me back to the big guy. This time he was like "Namaste, Yes sir!" It's amazing what 23 days can do to a guy's attitude. I got back into the metal tube, hung out for a while, came out and I was back in the same place I was at 23 days ago. I know, pretty weird huh?
15. I had this really odd experience as a baby. Someone put me in this container - I cried like hell. Thankfully that container had holes, otherwise I would have died. I think the one who put in it forgot about me cuz I have been in the container for like 45 years now. There is also this other container who looks like my container but is much nicer and softer. The one inside the other container is very beautiful too and I think it's a girl - I think that girl likes me cuz she's has been around me for like 17 years. Although I don't think she likes to hear me talk - I say that because in my container I have a hole through which I can say stuff (I like to call that my talker) and she is always covering up my talker with her talker. It's really nice though. I am always looking forward to seeing her through my see-ers and hear her voice through my hear-ers.
16. I went to this building when I was a young man and they made me sit and listen to the older people. And then they wanted me to pay them! The gall! I was like "*I* come here, *I* sit here, *I* listen to older people, *I* do all the work and you want me to pay you?!!" Many years passed like this, then I went to this other place where I went and sat; and *they* paid me!!!! Maybe they felt guilty or something cuz they paid me much more than what I paid them. I was like "WaheGuru! why didn't I just come here in the first place?"
17. In my youth I routinely did things that I would be so afraid of doing in my adult years eg hitchhiking, sleeping anywhere, tenting anywhere, throwing stones at strangers etc etc
18. Once I tented on a golf course – what could possibly go wrong? At 5am, the sprinklers started – one of them was right underneath my tent and another one right by the door. Three words: wet wet wet.
19. Once I tented at this government building (kinda like a city information center). It was about 8pm, what could possibly go wrong? At 9pm, a spotlight comes on, illuminating my tent for miles and miles. I could barely sleep – it was Friday night and apparently this building was a teenager hang-out spot; and apparently teenagers love to shout words that start with F and end with K at tents in the middle of the city. Teenagers! What are we going to do with them? Except maybe let them grow and become like us.
20. Once by a lake, there was a really nice breeze, so I decided to sleep under the stars. The breeze suddenly died just as I was lying down and a million and half mosquitoes showed up. My arms were literally black with them! I quickly pitched a tent in the dark – but about half a million mosquitoes managed to get into the tent. There were a lot of happy mosquitoes and one unhappy human that night. hmmm…. On a re-read, this story is too negative (and I believe in being positive), so I’m going to change it: One night, by a lake, my body served half a million souls. This assumes mosquitoes have souls. If so, how does WaheGuru manage to pack a soul into a mosquito? Or into a Republican for that matter? Just kidding – we both know Republicans don’t have souls.
21. I recently saw a close-up picture of Obama’s right hand and I was astounded by how similar my and his hand looks! He has four fingers, I have four! He has one thumb, I have one too! …that’s kinda of where the similarity ends though – the lines on his hands are way different from mine. My wife looked at one of his lines and said that’s the leadership line. I looked at the same line on my hand ….. with some luck and a lot of hard work, I have the potential of becoming a Gurdwara president one day.
22. Once I was taking an evening stroll in an deserted area in Green Bay, WI while on a work-related trip (note to self – don’t take evening strolls in Green Bay, WI in deserted areas) and these two big guys came up to me and angrily asked “DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU LOOK LIKE?” This was shortly after 9-11 and I was wearing a white turban (note to self – don’t wear a white turban while on a evening stroll in an deserted area in Green Bay, WI, especially shortly after 9-11). The first answer that came to my mind was “Your Mama?” But since I hadn’t done my kirtan sohila (Sikh evening prayer) yet and wasn’t quite ready for the afterworld, I said, “Elvis?” The guy just broke into a smile and walked away shaking his head and laughing. Elvis lives!
23. Once I was jogging in Cary, NC and passed a bunch of teenagers (about 25 of them). One of them shouted, “Osama!” - I immediately turned and started running towards them – the way they dispersed was classic. One minute they were there, the next … poof! they were gone.
24. Kundalini Yoga is great – it’s a powerful and easy path to the REAL deal – SAT NAAM!
25. There are only 2 secrets to a happy, fulfilling life: 1. Be positive, no matter what. 2. Serve others, no matter what.
No comments:
Post a Comment